Navigating Impossibly Tough Decisions

Being kind, compassionate, and easy to work with are traits many of us pride ourselves on—especially as women, founders, or people who care deeply about doing right by others. But what happens when those strengths start to bump up against growth? What happens when kindness starts to look like people-pleasing, or when collaboration turns into avoiding hard conversations?

Now that I’m in this next era of my life (for those of you who are new here, I just gave birth!) and both my time and my decisions carry even more weight, I’ve been spending time thinking about how exactly I work through tough situations and find peace in decisiveness. Hopefully this is helpful for you, too, as I know that many of us put pressure on ourselves to be friendly, ambitious, nurturing, curious, and well-liked–sometimes at the expense of making decisions that are best for ourselves in the long-term!

The first thing that has always kept me level-headed is prayer. Kyle and I both approach decisions personally and professionally with a prayer-first mentality. We spend time each day focusing on what we’re grateful for, who and what we’re praying for, and where we’re seeking the most guidance. Many people ask me if I’m really as happy as I seem on social media, and while of course I have my emotional moments and ups and downs, the happiness I feel is genuine and I believe prayer plays a big role in this!

Another excellent North Star is having a solid understanding of your core values and strengths, and using those values and strengths to guide you through complexity and chaos. Brené Brown has a good list of core values that you can peruse here and the VIA Institute on Character has a quick survey that you can fill out to determine your top character strengths. I love that VIA describes signature strengths as “essential, effortless, and energizing”--meaning, when you are using your top five strengths it should feel essential to who you are as a person, natural and effortless, and it should actually energize and uplift you. The next time you’re in the midst of a challenging situation, try to recall your top strengths and figure out how to leverage those unique characteristics to pull yourself through to the other side. And when Kyle and I have a big decision in front of us, we always go back to what is most important to us (our values), what we want to be known for (our unique signature strengths), what we want our legacy to be, and what our short and long-term goals are. These guardrails are really helpful in guiding decisions.

I’m a big fan of surrounding myself with people who I can trust and call on when things get tough. I joke that we have a “board of advisors” for all aspects of our life: our marriage, our business, and most recently, our lives as new parents. We very much believe in the old adage that you’re the sum of the five people you spend the most time with so we’re intentional about fostering communities that feed and grow us into the people, spouses, parents, and business owners that we want to be. I recently realized, through doing a professional values exercise, that Kyle and I like to be informed about every decision we make more so than the average person, and our close advisors and friends are critical for making that happen.

Some of the great people in our community!

When I struggle with indecisiveness, a catalyst for decision-making is often reflecting on what happens if I maintain the status quo–if I don’t speak up, don’t take action, don’t change anything. I think about the pros and cons of not making the decision and I almost always find that intentional and aligned action is better than inertia. Even if it feels more comfortable to play it safe and maintain homeostasis, the growth that could come from temporary discomfort will make the decision worth it in the long run. 

And, finally, once the decision is made, commit to it! At the end of the day, I really believe that there are no right or wrong decisions, there are just decisions and it’s up to you to make them right. Almost everything we go through is extremely personal, subjective, and completely unique to ourselves and our own set of circumstances, which means that even if one thing was “right” for someone else, it may not be right for you. This helps take the pressure off of decision-making and puts the agency squarely on me to do everything I can to ensure that I lead myself in the right direction. Of course, the other half of that equation is making sure that if you realize a decision is leading you astray, you can quickly see this and pivot. What often helps me is reflecting on the times that I made decisions that didn’t end up the way I had hoped and remembering how I was still able to turn the situation around and move forward. 

A couple of weeks ago I asked my business coach what are the most important skills for a founder and CEO to have and she said “vision, decisiveness, and communication”. She also prompted me to think about if another company were hiring me to be their CEO and she said “nobody hires a CEO to be agreeable”. That line has been circulating in my head ever since our conversation and it’s been such a good reminder that I don’t get paid to say “yes” and I didn’t build an amazing community by trying to be liked by everyone, I did it by having a unique and informed perspective on how I wanted to cook and eat my meals.  

I know that I can be a kind and empathetic leader who is also respected for her ability to have the hard conversations and occasionally disappoint people, even when it’s really difficult for me to work up the nerve and courage to have the tough discussion. I also come back to the quote “nobody truly interesting was ever universally liked” and remind myself that being respected and being interesting are far more important to me than being liked. Additionally, having a social media presence has been a humbling experience in terms of making it clear to me that I will never be for everyone and I’m grateful for the uncomfortable growth of coming to terms with that.  

If you’ve been facing your own moment of indecision—big or small—I’d love to hear what’s helping you navigate it. What values are guiding you right now? What’s keeping you grounded? Share in the comments or reply directly! 

As you may know if you follow me on Instagram stories, I had my baby girl on June 13th, so she is almost 2 weeks old! Adjusting to new motherhood has been…a lot to process. From birth to sleep deprivation to breastfeeding to experiencing the most extreme drop in hormones that humans experience, there are many challenges amidst the sweet baby cuddles. It may sound small, but something  that has made me feel a bit put together and like myself is a pair of soft pajamas. I haven’t worn anything but pajamas in 13 days and these are my favorites. 

Another thing that brings me joy every day are these lactation support cookies — recipe here. Whether or not they actually aid in lactation support is a debate I am not currently concerning myself with because they are bringing me joy and that is a WIN!

Okay that’s all for today, I’m mostly “trying, learning, and loving” bonding with my newborn, breastfeeding, and attempting to sleep! 😅